Landers

So Joe McElderry bravely* comes out as a gay.



I have two issues with this. One teeny tiny, one MASSIVE!



We’ll start with the teeny one.



In this day and age why is it front page headline news? It just proves that society as a whole still isn’t accepting of homosexuality. Personally I don’t care about this. I am what I am (I am my own special creation!) and if you have problems with it then it is just that – YOUR problem. I’m quite happy and I’d like to think I’m not one of those vile queens that wants to ram my sexuality down your throat – metaphorically speaking. There is far more to me than just the fact that I’m attracted to men.



So what is my big issue with the twink Judy McElderry coming out?



It’s not so much him coming out but more about the message his website puts across.



Joe herself talks about the support he’s received and the general feeling from his message is that it’s okay to be gay.

If that’s the case why are his web-masters deciding to block out the word ‘gay’ and replace with **** whenever anyone uses it by leaving Twinkle a supportive comment.



Whoever runs the website for him (and is connected to Syco Music – aka Simon Cowell) obviously doesn’t think it’s okay to be ****.



It’s just a bloody word!






*Brave? Brave my hairy fat backside! Just like Will Young before him he came out after he’d won but before the newspapers could print it! Not tonight eh? Josephine.

Mary McAleese, the current President of Ireland, signed the Civil Partnership bill today and the queers of this green isle let out a collective sigh of relief in approval as they clapped quietly and sipped a Cosmo in a Sex in and the City commemorative cocktail glass. Well, not all of them!

“This is a great day for Ireland. Lesbian and gay people, (are lesbians not gay then Mary?) their parents, families, friends, neighbours, colleagues can now look forward to celebrating their civil partnerships in the near future,” she said.

She’s right. It is a great day for Ireland and it’ll be called a first step and some people will turn and say “Hey, it’s first step and the next time we discuss we’ll go a bit further!”

Well I’m sorry but I want that next step now! Countless people have been involved in this bill being introduced just like they were in other countries and many of them have explained what’s wrong with their respective bills but fags worldwide decided that a small step is better than nothing. Sorry but to me and many others who ride on my bus it’s not.

There are many things wrong with this bill but now it’s law all the faults will be ignored as politicians shout “you got what you wanted didn’t you?!”

Lets look at the terminology. News channels, politicians and the parents of homos will be turning to their gay viewers, constituents and children and saying “you two can get married now!” No we can’t! We can sign a civil partnership agreement. To get married we’d need be different sexes. Same sex couples cannot get married so let’s not call it “gay marriage.” Anyone can have a civil partnership, but only certain people can get married – those in relationships where one of them is a girl and the other is a boy!

My partner will forever be just that. He’ll never be my husband (or wife – as he should be!) he’ll only ever be my partner. Thank you but I already have a partner.

According to certain news channels my partner can now be my next of kin. Well, he was before, the bill has changed nothing. Sadly I mean that quite literally. It’s claimed that it makes provision for partners to be acknowledged as a next of kin but in reality it changes very little. My partner already is my next of kin. I give his name whenever I’m asked that question and the person completing the form duly fills in the details. What s/he doesn’t tell you, probably because they don’t know, is that if you get taken into hospital and your next of kin has to be called it’s up to the nurse who s/he calls. There is no law stating who the nurse has to call. On this one I speak with experience! A nurse can ignore your listed next of kin and call the person s/he thinks should be called. Know who that is? Your natural mother. It’s claimed that your mother is the only person who can truly be a blood relative and therefore a next of kin as she gave birth to you.

Simon’s natural mother gets a call to say he’s in hospital and she rushes to his side. When she gets there she finds his same-sex partner, Dave, stood outside the ward as the nurse won’t let him into the private room Simon has been given due to his homosexuality (yes, that does happen!). He asks her to tell the nurses to acknowledge him as Simon’s partner, his civil partner, and he has the paper to prove it! She doesn’t like him and has never liked the fact that her son is gay so she does nothing about it. But, he has that super bit of paper that give him insane power and control of Simon’s well-being! Nope, it’s still up to the nurses. Simon is dying and his mother calls a priest to give him the last rites. Simon, since coming out, turned his back on God as ‘God hates fags’ and the idea of a priest coming to his side is awful to him and to Dave who weren’t allowed a wedding as they’re both male shit-stabbers. She still goes ahead with it and Simon gets the last rites.

Dave cannot claim the body because she gets there first, cannot organise the funeral and more than likely won’t be able to attend as the family won’t tell him where and when it is.

Some readers might think that this is an extreme case but it’s not, this happens quite often it just doesn’t get reported as news agencies don’t want to publish too many non-celebrity gay stories for fear of losing ‘normal’ readers – and yes, again, I’ve heard that phrase used.

The civil partnership bill does nothing to change this and the only time it’s actually useful as a next of kin statement is when the partner is the one registering the death.

Lets say Brad and I decide to adopt. We’ve been trying to have kids for years but I think us both being guys and doing it ‘up-the-wrongun’ has something to do with neither of us being pregnant yet. So, we adopt. Wrong. “We” don’t. One of us does. Same-sex couples can foster but not adopt. So, we talk it over and decided that I’ll adopt and give Brad parental rights by registering a letter of intent with a solicitor. Huzzah, the child has two parents and can grow up in stable environment. Tragedy strikes and I die. Brad becomes a single parent. Actually he doesn’t, he just becomes single. The letter I’ve written and the civil partnership agreement he’s waving in the face of the judge at the hearing mean fuck all and the child is taken into care and placed up for adoption. Sure Brad could adopt him or her once he’s completed the paperwork and applied but as the social worker reads the form and find he’s suddenly single due to bereavement (not a widower as you have to be a husband to be legally a widower) he’ll be deemed unable to care for a child until he’s finished grieving which, by social services standards, will take two years – once again I speak from experience!

The civil partnership bill does nothing about adoption. Nothing at all. It’s not even mentioned.

I don’t give a flying handbag that this bill has gone through and to anyone about to say “it’s a step in the right direction” well don’t bother. It’s not. It’s not because this is the beginning of the end. Politicians won’t discuss it further as they think they’ve given the queers all they want. Oh it’ll be looked at, and someone will say “should we add…” and “maybe we should change…” but then someone, probably a straight person (no offence) will say “but they can get married so lets just leave it!”

Sorry but it’s not enough. Queens have been fighting for equality and are exploding in glitter now that this bill has been signed but how does it make us equal? It doesn’t, it keeps us different! I don’t want to be different.

I’m gay and I’m also 37.
I’m gay and I’m also white.
I’m gay and I’m also deaf.
I’m gay and I have size 12 feet.
I’m gay and I have a goatee.
I’m gay and I have a bad back.
I’m gay and I have a no living grandparents.

Do you see where I’m going? Do you see how many minority groups I belong to? None of these minority groups cause me any problems so why should being gay? If you saw me at work or on the street, saw me playing rugby or drinking a coffee you wouldn’t instantly know I was a poofter and it wouldn’t make any difference yet as soon as I want to express my everlasting love for my partner who I’ve been with for eight years so far, suddenly I’m different and not equal!

When you belong to a minority, you have to be better in order to have the right to be equal.

I neither know nor care who said ‘I may not agree with what you say but I will defend to the death your right to say it!’ but it’s a statement I’ve long believed in.*

Although I know I’m not alone in the sentiment it’s a shame there aren’t more people who follow it.

Twitter, to some the bane of the Internet, is home to many people who think that because they have an outlet to vent they can do so by belittling the opinions and feelings of others without fear of anything other than cyber retaliation. The web often likes to call them trolls but I think the term “arrogant cunts” (AC’s from now on) is rather more apt.

Over the last few months here have been some of my opinions I’ve had challenged on Twitter.

1. The flotilla boarded by Israelis en route to Gaza.

2. Virtually all Apple products.

3. Hashtags

4. HTC

5. The film Avatar

6. Graham Norton & Brian Dowling

7. The existence of God (or Jeff as I’m now calling him)

8. Glee

9. Terry Pratchett adaptations on Sky1

(Explanations to each are below but do not form part of the purpose of the blog entry really)

I have an opinion on each of those topics and I’m entitled to air my opinion with the understanding that it may be rightfully challenged. If I’m not prepared to have it challenged then I shouldn’t really express it.

Now when I say ‘challenged’ what I actually mean is maybe tell me why you think it’s wrong and present your argument clearly. This, of course, would be the right way to do it.

There aren’t many people on Twitter who seem to grasp this concept. The challenges (and I use that word quite loosely here) have included phrases such as “you’re a twat” and “asshole” and the ever popular “no, you are wrong!”

Okay so I’m twat sometimes and often an asshole but I admit it (unlike most of you) but rarely, when it comes to my opinion, am I wrong. This is because it is my opinion. Yes, to you it might be wrong, but to me it’s not and by telling me I’m wrong without actually explaining your reason why is an incredibly childish and stupid thing to do.

Challenge my opinion by all means, I actually welcome it, and even try to get me to change it, but telling me that it’s flat-out wrong and then insulting me about it isn’t going to get you anywhere. In fact, if you knew me at all you’d know that’s it’s very much the wrong thing to do as I’m just going to dig my heels in even more and possibly start snapping back on everything you say no matter how big or small.

If you don’t agree with what I’ve said then say “I disagree, I think [insert your opinion]” and we can discuss it. Doing anything else just makes you a cunt. An arrogant cunt. An AC!

Now, in saying all that, I freely admit to being a cunt. If you look at my Twitter profile it actually says it in there. As such, until people start being a bit nicer when expressing their disagreement with one of my opinions I’m afraid you will get told you are wrong… in everything.

I’d like to say something inspirational along the lines of “be the change” but I know damn well it won’t happen. Most of you will still be cunts, just like me.

*I’ve since googled it and know who it as now.

Now, as I said above, here’s my opinion on the subjects mentioned above. Please feel free to challenge me on it in comments here but do so politely.

1. The flotilla boarded by Israelis en route to Gaza.

Didn’t enjoy Hogfather, that was all! Love the Discworld books, very much in fact, just wasn’t a fan of the Hogfather