Due to the various issues that came up upon our return I never finished telling you the rest of the story of our trip to Berlin.

I think time has gone on too long now for me to go back and try and remember everything and tell you all about but what I would like to do is share one of my favourite photo’s from our trip.

There aren’t many pictures of me that I actually like, as many of you will know, but I love this one. I love it because of who is in it (Kelly, not me!) I love it because I actually like how I look! I love it because it reminds me of the great time I had in Berlin and I love it because, as a whole, the picture is just great!

I just thought I’d share that with you.

So if you ignore the Twitterings we last left our impressive hero’s preparing for a short bus trip from Templehof Airport to Schönenfeld Airport to meet Kelly aka RunDontWalk aka Menomama.  En route we passed a Woolworths which I had to photograph just to show Helen as we don’t have Woolworths in Ireland.

We stood around and waited for her to come out of the arrivals doors with me pacing up and down demanding to know where she was when all of a sudden Rampage ran off towards a woman with the longest arms in the world.  At first glance they look like the normal arms of any normal woman but when you see her hug someone and she manages to wrap her arms around them twice and squeeze real tight you see her arms are wonderously encompassing.  You’d be forgiven that thinking maybe the person she was hugging was extremely thin and she was really bendy but when you see her hugging three people at once you see that it is that she has arms long enough to do this and heart that matches! – as in it’s big, not long and bendy!

Back on a bus, then U-Bahn and S-Bahn we were soon back at Chez Rampage and after a quick tinkle, poo, drink and change of clothes we headed downstairs to a bar just below Chez Rampage to drink some beers!  Mmmm beer!

We watched as the owner chastised those people who dared to ride bicycles on the pavement and not the cycle path, laughed as she took pictures of us wearing frog hats (see the name of the bar), sniggered at the inability of Rampage to pour a pint, wow’d at the picturesque tattoo’s of NittyGritty, Oooo’d at the tales of the Greenwich meet and smiled with glee as the bar owner let us sign her apron.  Soon our tummy’s were a-rumblin’ so it was off to an Ethiopian restaurant for some din dins.

Now you’d be forgiven if you thought for one minute that by going to an Ethiopian Restaurant that you’d not get much to eat.  I think I may have found the reason they are all starving… because they send all the food to this restaurant!  No matter what you order, or who orders what, it all comes out on a massive tray covered in bread with your order placed on the bread.  You take a piece of the bread and scoop up some of the food.  I had a raw beef dish which was out of this world but a bit of problem for NittyGritty as she was a vegetarian and in the low light of the restaurant it was hard to tell which dish was which!  We managed though and en enjoyable meal was had by all.  We didn’t finish all of it as there was so much but thankfully BeriinNights (Matt) turned up after flying back from the Land of my Fathers and polished off what we’d left.  I had a mango flavoured beer which was very very sweet and came in a wooden bowl which of course lead to the obligatory picture of me wearing said bowl!  A bowl is not a bowl until it’s been on some persons head!

Once the meal was over we headed to a gothic bar called Cynanide (only spelled in Germanish!) which is going to take some describing!  First off it was down some stairs in what appear to be a cellar.  If this had been a movie then Matt would have been a vampire leading us into his dungeon.  I say Matt because he’s the only one I’d not seen in the daylight!  Of course Rampage and Grit could have been his minions of some sort but both of them were too nice to be that really!  Our table was a coffin with a class top… with a body in it!  The menu was apparently cursed by voodoo to stop people stealing and should you try you’ll get warts on your buttocks!  The menu was also rather insulting saying things like "**Becks** – for stupid people.  **Bud** – The Latvian stuff not the American stuff, for the tourists.  **Coke** – for the weaklings**" and things like that.  Going to the toilet was an experience!  The hallway leading to the toilets was in the pitch and it wasn’t until you were a third of the way down that a strobe light starting flashing to semi-illuminate the way!  As you walked into the toilet the light, activated by a sensor, came on and if you stood too long at the urinal it would turn off again leaving you, once again, in the pitch – which too be honest, is the best way to be in those mucky mucky toilets!

We drank and drank some more, with only Stephen and I partaking in the litres of beer, everyone else drinking shorts!  At one point I thought my luck was in as Stephen through a condom at me and winked but all he really wanted was to see my world famous trick of putting a condom up my nose and bringing it out my mouth.  I thought I’d leave out bringing it out my mouth inflated until our next visited.  Suitable disgusted or impressed the drinking continued until we were all a little merry.  Unfortunately the drinking lead to the revelation of certain events from our past… no, that’s wrong… drinking lead to revelations from Stephen’s past… stories concerning jugs and the many uses of.  I’d like to reveal more of this story but there are a number of things stopping me.

No.1.  It’s disgusting and may sully the good name of my blog.

So where did I leave off?

Ah, yes! Being a little pissed after watching Rampage play footie!

After grabbing some “sneaky beers” – the same a Cheeky Beer in Birmingham – we headed back to Chez Rampage for a quick dump, Guinness and change of clothes and then headed off to the Karneval (carnival) that was taking place in Berlin at the time.

Rampage has a mate who has a mate who invited him via him to view the Karneval from his balcony over-looking the whole thing. the sun was roasting and I did burned my head!

After a while we decided to go back to Chez Rampage so that Brad and I could have a little sleep as by this point we’d both been up for about twenty-six hours so a little nap would do us good. The plan was to sleep for three hours, wake, text Rampage to find out where he was and then go meet him.

This plan failed. Drastcially!

We slept… for eighteen hours… with small breaks inbetween.

I woke up about midnight when Ramps came in and bashed away at his ‘puter like he was trying to hammer the keys back in with his tiny mallet fingers. I woke again about 4ish when Rampie came home, farted and then fell into bed. I then work around 7ish when I went for a pee and fag. Half an hour after being back in bed Ramps woke up once more, with a huge erection*, and I said good morning. His repyl was “Uggh nurrg urgghh nurg need pee uggh gugrg nurrg,” and he left, returning about 5 minutes later and falling back in to bed.

I woke again a little while later and lay in bed reading some of the Rampies impressive amount of classic books – the Divine Comedy, A Picture of Dorian Gray and Lesbians Expose Monthly, to name but a few.

Finally by midday everyone was up with Ramps feeling a little worse for all the alcohol he’d had.

We headed off for breakfast at an all you can eat buffet place and pigged out on bread and cheese and scrambled egg and some raw meat product that I only took one bit of. Then we had a stoll in the park where the was a fair on and a ride where you could get “Well Flung!”

From there we walked up to Tempelhof Airport. An airport built by Hitler and then used by the American’s up until the 70′s during the cold war when Russia became a little bit of a pain in the ass.

Seeing the airport and knowing it’s history was qutie awe inspiring. I love history and seeing something built by Hitler was quite a humbling moment for me. It’s a shame they plan to flatten it.

From there it was a short bus ride to meet Kelly.

Now people are waiting for me as we’re off to see more sites so I’ll tell you more about the meet and greet at the airport, the ethopian food, the coffin and the ambiwanking later.

TTFN x

*he’ll be thrilled I added that I’m sure!

So we arrived.

Rampage met us at the airport, although it did take us a little while to work out it was him after much staring at various people and saying to ourselves “I do hope it’s not him!” Thankfully none of them were and we were pleasantly surprised when a lovely bloke turned up and we got aquainted.

After enjoy toast and chocolate spread for breakfast we went off to watch Rampers play football.

Rampers is in the green… and on it!

Once the footie had finished we headed orf for a beer or two.

And we’re not at in Rampage’s place… I’m a little bit pissed… and it’s only 2.30pm and we’ve got lots of drinking to do…

Upon return to Ireland I will have no liver.