Landers

So Joe McElderry bravely* comes out as a gay.



I have two issues with this. One teeny tiny, one MASSIVE!



We’ll start with the teeny one.



In this day and age why is it front page headline news? It just proves that society as a whole still isn’t accepting of homosexuality. Personally I don’t care about this. I am what I am (I am my own special creation!) and if you have problems with it then it is just that – YOUR problem. I’m quite happy and I’d like to think I’m not one of those vile queens that wants to ram my sexuality down your throat – metaphorically speaking. There is far more to me than just the fact that I’m attracted to men.



So what is my big issue with the twink Judy McElderry coming out?



It’s not so much him coming out but more about the message his website puts across.



Joe herself talks about the support he’s received and the general feeling from his message is that it’s okay to be gay.

If that’s the case why are his web-masters deciding to block out the word ‘gay’ and replace with **** whenever anyone uses it by leaving Twinkle a supportive comment.



Whoever runs the website for him (and is connected to Syco Music – aka Simon Cowell) obviously doesn’t think it’s okay to be ****.



It’s just a bloody word!






*Brave? Brave my hairy fat backside! Just like Will Young before him he came out after he’d won but before the newspapers could print it! Not tonight eh? Josephine.

Mary McAleese, the current President of Ireland, signed the Civil Partnership bill today and the queers of this green isle let out a collective sigh of relief in approval as they clapped quietly and sipped a Cosmo in a Sex in and the City commemorative cocktail glass. Well, not all of them!

“This is a great day for Ireland. Lesbian and gay people, (are lesbians not gay then Mary?) their parents, families, friends, neighbours, colleagues can now look forward to celebrating their civil partnerships in the near future,” she said.

She’s right. It is a great day for Ireland and it’ll be called a first step and some people will turn and say “Hey, it’s first step and the next time we discuss we’ll go a bit further!”

Well I’m sorry but I want that next step now! Countless people have been involved in this bill being introduced just like they were in other countries and many of them have explained what’s wrong with their respective bills but fags worldwide decided that a small step is better than nothing. Sorry but to me and many others who ride on my bus it’s not.

There are many things wrong with this bill but now it’s law all the faults will be ignored as politicians shout “you got what you wanted didn’t you?!”

Lets look at the terminology. News channels, politicians and the parents of homos will be turning to their gay viewers, constituents and children and saying “you two can get married now!” No we can’t! We can sign a civil partnership agreement. To get married we’d need be different sexes. Same sex couples cannot get married so let’s not call it “gay marriage.” Anyone can have a civil partnership, but only certain people can get married – those in relationships where one of them is a girl and the other is a boy!

My partner will forever be just that. He’ll never be my husband (or wife – as he should be!) he’ll only ever be my partner. Thank you but I already have a partner.

According to certain news channels my partner can now be my next of kin. Well, he was before, the bill has changed nothing. Sadly I mean that quite literally. It’s claimed that it makes provision for partners to be acknowledged as a next of kin but in reality it changes very little. My partner already is my next of kin. I give his name whenever I’m asked that question and the person completing the form duly fills in the details. What s/he doesn’t tell you, probably because they don’t know, is that if you get taken into hospital and your next of kin has to be called it’s up to the nurse who s/he calls. There is no law stating who the nurse has to call. On this one I speak with experience! A nurse can ignore your listed next of kin and call the person s/he thinks should be called. Know who that is? Your natural mother. It’s claimed that your mother is the only person who can truly be a blood relative and therefore a next of kin as she gave birth to you.

Simon’s natural mother gets a call to say he’s in hospital and she rushes to his side. When she gets there she finds his same-sex partner, Dave, stood outside the ward as the nurse won’t let him into the private room Simon has been given due to his homosexuality (yes, that does happen!). He asks her to tell the nurses to acknowledge him as Simon’s partner, his civil partner, and he has the paper to prove it! She doesn’t like him and has never liked the fact that her son is gay so she does nothing about it. But, he has that super bit of paper that give him insane power and control of Simon’s well-being! Nope, it’s still up to the nurses. Simon is dying and his mother calls a priest to give him the last rites. Simon, since coming out, turned his back on God as ‘God hates fags’ and the idea of a priest coming to his side is awful to him and to Dave who weren’t allowed a wedding as they’re both male shit-stabbers. She still goes ahead with it and Simon gets the last rites.

Dave cannot claim the body because she gets there first, cannot organise the funeral and more than likely won’t be able to attend as the family won’t tell him where and when it is.

Some readers might think that this is an extreme case but it’s not, this happens quite often it just doesn’t get reported as news agencies don’t want to publish too many non-celebrity gay stories for fear of losing ‘normal’ readers – and yes, again, I’ve heard that phrase used.

The civil partnership bill does nothing to change this and the only time it’s actually useful as a next of kin statement is when the partner is the one registering the death.

Lets say Brad and I decide to adopt. We’ve been trying to have kids for years but I think us both being guys and doing it ‘up-the-wrongun’ has something to do with neither of us being pregnant yet. So, we adopt. Wrong. “We” don’t. One of us does. Same-sex couples can foster but not adopt. So, we talk it over and decided that I’ll adopt and give Brad parental rights by registering a letter of intent with a solicitor. Huzzah, the child has two parents and can grow up in stable environment. Tragedy strikes and I die. Brad becomes a single parent. Actually he doesn’t, he just becomes single. The letter I’ve written and the civil partnership agreement he’s waving in the face of the judge at the hearing mean fuck all and the child is taken into care and placed up for adoption. Sure Brad could adopt him or her once he’s completed the paperwork and applied but as the social worker reads the form and find he’s suddenly single due to bereavement (not a widower as you have to be a husband to be legally a widower) he’ll be deemed unable to care for a child until he’s finished grieving which, by social services standards, will take two years – once again I speak from experience!

The civil partnership bill does nothing about adoption. Nothing at all. It’s not even mentioned.

I don’t give a flying handbag that this bill has gone through and to anyone about to say “it’s a step in the right direction” well don’t bother. It’s not. It’s not because this is the beginning of the end. Politicians won’t discuss it further as they think they’ve given the queers all they want. Oh it’ll be looked at, and someone will say “should we add…” and “maybe we should change…” but then someone, probably a straight person (no offence) will say “but they can get married so lets just leave it!”

Sorry but it’s not enough. Queens have been fighting for equality and are exploding in glitter now that this bill has been signed but how does it make us equal? It doesn’t, it keeps us different! I don’t want to be different.

I’m gay and I’m also 37.
I’m gay and I’m also white.
I’m gay and I’m also deaf.
I’m gay and I have size 12 feet.
I’m gay and I have a goatee.
I’m gay and I have a bad back.
I’m gay and I have a no living grandparents.

Do you see where I’m going? Do you see how many minority groups I belong to? None of these minority groups cause me any problems so why should being gay? If you saw me at work or on the street, saw me playing rugby or drinking a coffee you wouldn’t instantly know I was a poofter and it wouldn’t make any difference yet as soon as I want to express my everlasting love for my partner who I’ve been with for eight years so far, suddenly I’m different and not equal!

When you belong to a minority, you have to be better in order to have the right to be equal.

When we people realise that things like this won’t work!

I’m all for pressure groups as long as the it’s for the right cause and done in a fair way. I can’t abide gays who demand equality in everything! Yes I’m all for equality but equality where we are all equal not equality where gays want more equality than others. And I know that sounds stupid but trust me, on Pride marches I’ve seen it happen!*

But I’m not moaning about that… I’m on about this pathetic “Buy Nothing Day!” Yes saving the environment is a great cause but look at the bigger picture for Gods sake! Just going for one day without buying anything isn’t going to do anything other than make buy things they need the day before or the day after! I’ll happily not buy anything that day. In fact it’s very doubtful I will anyway because it’s my moving in day and I’ll be too busy unpacking but anything I forget to buy that day I’ll buy the next so it will make no difference. What stores miss out on sales on that day they’ll make up the next.

Personally, anyone who supports helping the environment gets thumbs up in my books but anyone who supports this idea is really doing it to network or make themselves feel worthy! It is not an altruistic deed at all – although some may try and make you believe it is.

If you want to save the environment then try convincing everyone to recycle, initiate projects in your town or village involving everyone, ask the council for more recycling centres, look at your carbon footprint, go on-line and research what else you can but don’t look at this “Buy Nothing Day” project without seeing it for what it – a big advertising campaign.

“Kalle Lasn is the co-founder of the Adbusters Media Foundation, the organization responsible for launching Buy Nothing Day as a yearly, global event. He explains that while most participants used to see the day simply as an escape from the marketing mind games and frantic consumerism that have come to characterize modern life, the focus has since shifted in light of the new political mood surrounding climate change.”

Yes, I’d go with the idea of it as an escape from the marketing mind games or the “retail therapy” society but how exactly will it help climate change? They should have stuck to their guns and kept the ideals of Buy Nothing Day being about consumerism and arranged events to show people what else they can do with their time rather than shopping and also looked at the environment but showing people that sometimes the things they buy can be made at home quite easily or even found at recycle centres!

There is a recycle centre in Carmarthenshire where you have to be a member. It’s free to join but then you pay £5 every time you want to go in. Once in there you can take whatever you like… it’s all free! You can drive your car in and fill your car. Everything has been cleaned and washed so it’s quite sanitary. Imagine you make your own jam, wine or lotions and potions. All your jars and containers are all there… with lids… Imagine you’re a primary school teacher who needs things to keep six and seven year olds entertained. There are cut off from companies that make things out of rubber and plastic and other materials. There is so much you could do with all the stuff that’s there! The only catch is once you’ve paid you’re £5 to get in if you come out with nothing you don’t get your fiver back, but trust me, it’s very doubtful you’ll come out with nothing!

There should be more centres like that and Buy Nothing Day could promote things like that! – Aside from the fact that you’re still buying something for a fiver which defeats the object of Buy Nothing Day but still sticks with helping the environment.

I will be buying things on Buy Nothing Day. I’ll be buying fuel for my car and cleaning products for my house. Oh dear!

Rant over!

* I once overheard a group of fags at a Pride Meeting discuss how gay bars should stop straight people coming in. That’s not very equal is it? They continued with how there should be gay only shops, supermarkets, restaurants and buses! A few weeks late, at the Pride March they were there with their banners demanding gay transport and gay housing! We offered to paint buses and houses pink but they didn’t see the funny side of it! – I hate gays like that! Equal means equal – not equal means we’re better than you!