Landers

It’s pissing it down here and in an hour or so I’m driving to Dublin.

Most of the roads are flooded or flooding but it won’t matter as I’m in a big 4×4.

A 4×4 that has no heater.

A 4×4 that has a slow puncture on one tyre and no spare as that’s already in use.

A 4×4 that in January broke down with a dodgy starter motor.

In February it broke down because the battery was old and wouldn’t hold a charge.

In March it broke down because the alternator broke.

In April it broke down because a water pipe blew off the engine.

In May it broke down because a water pipe blew off the engine.

In June it broke down because the cylinder head gasket was shot, as was the radiator.

In July it broke down because another pipe blew off the engine.

Until Tuesday it had rarely moved since July.

On Tuesday the AA had to come out and start it.

As we left the house it sounded… rough.

As we got to the end of the road more steam was coming out the engine.

At the garage they told us the engine block has a crack.

They’ve taken the thermostat out so we can drive to Dublin to get the ferry crossing.

A ferry crossing that earlier today was cancelled due to adverse weather.

So, I’m driving to Dublin in a car that won’t work to catch a ferry that’s been cancelled.

There is something very wrong with this.

I’ve not done one of theses for a while!

Lilly Allen
“I’ll quit music if fans don’t like my new album!” she says. Well fuck off then! Don’t waste the plastic on production you vile tramp! Did you guess that I can’t stand this talentless old bitch?

You Tube & Viacom
I had an email this morning informing me of my You Tube subscriptions and all their new videos. I know I was totally over reacting but I actually didn’t want to go and look at them because I don’t know just how much information is being passed around. If a court in the US wants to pass that law or whatever then let them, it’s up to the US people to fight it but why the fuck should MY privacy been invaded! Viacom own Blockbuster (Xtra-vision depending on where you live) and I’ve got visions of walking into my local store, choosing a DVD and at the counter being told by some spotty university drop-out that he thinks I’d prefer something else because his computer has just told him what I watch on You Tube! Fuckers!

Robert Mugabe, The UN, UK & US
The UK and US should be ashamed of themselves. If they were so willing to storm into Iraq (twice!) to sort some tinpot tyrant who was killing the citizens of that nation then soldiers should currently be in Zimbabwe. Robert Mugage needs fucking with a cattle prod. “The UN are in talks!” And I’m thinking we’ll sort out world poverty with a nice cup of sugary tea and hug! Fucking twats!

A Man Giving Birth
If this “man” was to marry a woman – in church with the full ceremony – would it be newsworthy? No. Not only because it’s just a “normal” wedding but also because it wouldn’t happen because his birth certificate states that he is a she and no church would allow the marriage to go ahead. So, if his birth certificate says he is a woman surely a woman has just given birth and not a man? I’m sorry if that sounds like I’m not supporting transgender and all that as I do, I’m just pissed off with listening to the news tell me a man has given birth.

Eircom
You are cunts.