Landers

I’m having one of those strange moods again and I don’t know why.

I’m not pissed off but I’m not jumping-for-joy-over-the-fucking-moon happy!

Through-out my life I have moments when for quite a number of months I’d be in a routine. It felt natural at the time. It felt right. School days… I’d get up, go to school, come home, do homework, head off to Ju-Jitsu/Ice Hockey/Gym (delete as appropriate for the day), come home, play out, watch TV, go to bed, sneakily watch TV or read, wake up in the morning, go to school, and so on…

My college/uni days… I’d get up, go to uni, come home, do some work then fuck off out for a drink, either to the pub next door or at the bottom of the road or into town. I’d come home sufficiently boozed up, go to bed, get up in the morning, head off to uni blah blah blah as the cycle went on.

My work days… I’d get up, go to work (or go downstairs if I was working at home), do what I needed to, write some shitty assignment, go home (if I wasn’t already at home), relax, then go out, come home in one of many pissed/sober/desperate (delete as appropriate) states, got to bed, get up and here we are again in the morning.

Weekends would involve nights at the gale with lovely Dave, meeting at the postbox that they have now taken down! Bastards! Falling into the gale or Route or Subway, getting pissed and passing out on Dave’s floor.

Thursday would be the Embassy. Me and Lucy on stage. Or Lucy on stage and me getting pissed and trying to entertain the punters. Stealing bottles of champagne from the stores and bunging them in our suitcase. Getting stoned on whatever the bouncers had confiscated for the retards at the door.

Looking back, I know things should change, but now I seem to have no routine at all. Literally no routine. The days roll by and I wonder where they’ve gone. I love my life, don’t get me wrong, but I do have to wonder where things are going? What am I doing?

I’ve just had a quick scan of the above (so as not to upset the Zeds with my now/not and our/out mishaps) and I wonder if there is any connection with the use of the coarse language when I describe my college/uni days, work days, weekends and the Embassy yet none when I describe school? In my head did I revert to childhood innocence when writing about school? Of course, now I’m also questioning why I’m questioning it.

Could I cook on a range?

Sometimes an opportunity presents itself and I find myself unable to resist.

I shall probably end up dead because of this but I will go out laughin’

Thank you Snail. Thank you so much.

1. NAME ONE OF YOUR SCARS, HOW DID YOU GET IT ?
Name a scar? Okay, the one on my ring finger is now called Harold. I got it when my ring got caught on a door handle and degloved my finger.

2. WHAT IS ON THE WALLS IN YOUR ROOM?
Right now I’m sat in the lounge so this could take some time…
Wall facing me:
- Picture of Affleck and his mate Ami.
- Picture of Affleck with his brother and sisters at his sisters wedding.
- Picture of Afflecks older sister and her husband.
- Picture of Me, Affleck, Elliot and Hayley at Dot & Phils wedding.
- A radiator
- A picture frame with a picture of an old map of Wales in it but it’s actually a speaker not a picture frame.

Left wall:
- Big mirror
- two wall sconce candle holders (that I made) (No Juzz, not while in prison!)
- A painting.
- A small shelf with a statue on it that Affleck made.
- A small shelf with a marble ball on it.
- A bigger shelf full of crap and a lamp.

Wall behind me:
- A picture of Carreg Kennen Castle
- Another speaker picture frame but with no picture in it.
- A tapestry that our friend did for us when we moved into our house.
- Six wooden boxes/shelves with crap in them

Right Wall:
- HUGE patio doors.
- 13 identical pictures frames each with a different picture in it. Of which are:
- A hand and the words “there’s something about a mothers touch.”
- My cousin
- Marshall Mathers (but you wouldn’t know it was him)
- Marshall Mathers again but this time he’s covered in bruises.
- The cover of a Jamiroquai album
- A Dogma postcard
- A picture of a bottle and glass of wine with the words “Poise: Being able to keep talking while someone else pays the bill”
- An actress who’s name I forget but she has the word Spirit by her.
- A picture of Nigel Harman
- Two scratch cards
- A picture of two male blow up dolls with some words around it but I can’t see what they are.
- One of the Twin Towers exploding.
- Darth Mauls eye.

Thank God that ones over!

3. WHAT DOES YOUR MOBILE PHONE LOOK LIKE?
Which one?

4. WHAT MUSIC DO YOU LISTEN TO?
There is so much that I couldn’t possibly list it. Music plays a big part of my life.

5. WHAT IS YOUR CURRENT DESKTOP PICTURE?
Steven Gerrard

6. WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING RIGHT NOW?
Affleck

7. WHAT DO YOU MISS?
Me

8. WHAT TIME WERE YOU BORN?
03:15am

10.WHAT ENDED YOUR LAST RELATIONSHIP?
Me getting angry because after over 5 years together he said “I don’t think I’m ready for that kind of commitment!” Fucking wanker!

11. DO YOU GET SCARED IN THE DARK?
Not that I know of.

12. THE LAST PERSON TO MAKE YOU CRY?
Me.

13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE COLOGNE / PERFUME?
Amen and/or Diesel

14. WHAT KIND OF HAIR/EYE COLOUR DO YOU LIKE ON THE OPPOSITE SEX?
Each to their own.

15. DO YOU LIKE PAINKILLERS?
Do I like them? Errm… No. They never work and even if they do I’d rather just not have the headache

16. COFFEE OR ENERGY DRINKS?
Coffee. I’m not allowed energy drinks

17. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE PIZZA TOPPING?
All of them apart from Anchovies.

18. IF YOU COULD EAT ANYTHING RIGHT NOW, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
Chicken Fried Rice

19. WHO IS THE LAST PERSON YOU MADE MAD?
R

20. DO YOU SPEAK ANOTHER LANGUAGE?
Sort of… and Sign.

21. WHAT WAS THE FIRST GIFT SOMEONE EVER GAVE YOU?
Honestly can’t remember.

22. DO U LIKE SOMEONE?
Yes

23. ARE YOU DOUBLE JOINTED?
No because it’s impossible no matter what people say.

24. FAVOURITE CLOTHING BRAND?
Gap

25. WHAT’S YOUR DREAM CAR?
Aston Martin Vanquish

27. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF MARRIAGE?
I’M DESPERATE FOR IT!

28. WOULD YOU FALL IN LOVE KNOWING THAT THE PERSON IS LEAVING?
If I’m falling in love I don’t think I’d be able to stop it.

29. WHAT IS THE BEST WAY TO TELL SOMEONE HOW MUCH THEY MEAN TO YOU?
By actually telling them.

30. SAY A NUMBER FROM ONE TO A HUNDRED:
“A number from one to a hundred.”

31. BLONDES OR BRUNETTES?
Care little.

32. WHAT IS THE ONE NUMBER YOU CALL MOST OFTEN?
Afflecks mobile

33. WHAT ANNOYS YOU MOST?
Me

34. HAVE YOU BEEN OUT OF ENGLAND?
Yes.

35. YOUR WEAKNESSES?
I can’t tell because that Zeds will use it against me.

36. WHAT WAS THE LAST GIFT YOU RECEIVED?
Some beautiful flowers.

37. FIRST JOB?
Helping out at the newsagent before delivering the papers then helping our in there after delivering the papers.

38. EVER DONE A PRANK CALL?
My God yes.

39. WHAT WERE YOU DOING BEFORE YOU FILLED THIS OUT?
Replying to a blog comment.

40. IF YOU COULD GET PLASTIC SURGERY WHAT WOULD IT BE?
The list is endless.

41. HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU BEEN IN LOVE?
If I’m honest with myself I’d have to say three.

42. WHAT DO YOU GET COMPLIMENTED ABOUT MOST?
I don’t think it’s like one thing, it’s more like general compliments which I often think people are faking and just saying, but that’s me.

43. WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF ALCOHOL BECAME ILLEGAL?
Buy it on the black market and drink more coffee.

44. WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I don’t know yet if I’m having another birthday but I only have days to decide.

45. HOW MANY KIDS DO YOU WANT?
The way I’m feeling right now I want to decline to answer this one.

46. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
I was first.

47. DO YOU WISH ON STARS?
Yes

48. WHICH FINGER[S] IS YOUR FAVOURITE?
Any of Afflecks.

49. WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY?
This morning.

50. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
Yes

51. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE VEGETABLE?
Carrots or onions I think

52. ANY BAD HABITS?
Too many.

53. WHAT IS YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING CD ON THE SHELF?
I’m not embarrassed by any of my music, only Afflecks.

54. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
Not at all.

55. HAVE YOU EVER TOLD A SECRET YOU SWORE NOT TO TELL?
Yes

56. DO LOOKS MATTER?
Yes

57. HOW DO YOU RELEASE YOUR ANGER?
I don’t know.

58. WHERE IS YOUR SECOND HOME?
Birmingham

59. DO YOU TRUST OTHERS EASILY?
Yes

60. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVOURITE TOY AS A CHILD?
Weebles and/or Playmobil

61. HOW MANY NUMBERS ARE IN YOUR CELL PHONE?
a few hundred

62. DO YOU USE SARCASM?
More than anything

64. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN A MOSH PIT?
Yes

65. WHAT DO YOU LOOK FOR IN A GUY/GIRL?
Humour and a big cock

66. WHAT ARE YOUR NICKNAMES?
Landers, Fez, Paddy, Nolly and many more.

67. WHAT IS THE MOST PAIN YOU HAVE EVER EXPERIENCED?
Loss

68. DO YOU UN-TIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
Yes

69. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU SPILLED?
Coffee

71.WHAT’S THE LAST FURRY THING YOU TOUCHED?
Eddie and/or Hillie

72.WHAT ARE YOUR FAVOURITE COLOURS?
Red and Green

73. WHAT ARE YOUR FAVOURITE BANDS/SINGERS?
Erasure

74. HOW MANY WISDOM TEETH DO YOU HAVE?
Four

75. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS?
Yes, but they won’t

76. WHO ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
I’m not I’m watching Malcolm In The Middle

77. LAST THING YOU ATE?
A beef, onion, cheese, mustard and bacon bits sandwich

78.LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
Affleck

79.WHAT’S THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ON THE OPPOSITE SEX?
Moustache

80.FAVOURITE THOUGHT PROVOKING SONG?
Tears In Heaven – Eric Clapton

81. FAVOURITE THING TO HATE:
Big Brother contestants

82. FAVOURITE DRINK:
Booze: Souther Comfort and/or Morgans Spiced
Non-booze: Coffee

83.FAVOURITE ZODIAC SIGN:
Sagittarius – most serial killers are Sagittarius

84.WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE SPORT?
Formula 1, Ice Hockey, Footie World Cup.

85.WHAT IS YOUR HAIR COLOUR?
Dunno

86.EYE COLOUR?
Green/blue

88.SIBLINGS?
Yes

89.FAVOURITE MONTH?
Dunno

90.DO YOU LIKE SUSHI?
Very much

91.LAST THING YOU WATCHED?
Malcolm In The Middle

92.FAVOURITE DAY OF THE YEAR?
What?

93.ARE YOU TOO SHY TO ASK SOMEONE OUT?
Yes

94. SUMMER OR WINTER?
Summer.

95.KISSES OR HUGS?
Both

96.RELATIONSHIPS OR ONE NIGHT STANDS?
Relationships

97.WHO IS THE MOST LIKELY TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS?
No one

98.WHO IS LEAST LIKELY TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS?
Everyone

99. BIGGEST FEAR?
Refuse to answer as Zeds will use them against me.

100. IS ANYONE IN LOVE WITH YOU?
Yes.

He’s blogged.

If you read my post regarding the disappearance of Mr. Zeds (http://landers.livejournal.com/85118.html) you’ll be glad to hear he’s blogged again so I’m semi-sure he’s alive and well.

I will call the hostels and tell them I’ve found him. They’ll stop worrying.

Mr. Zeds gets paid and kablooey… he’s gone.

Not a dicky-bird of a blog entry on his site, not a comment replied to with his usual witty retort.

What is the correct length of time in polite society before you start ringing the hostels and police stations? (No point calling the A&E Departments because there is nothing they can do for him so it’s doubtful they’d even agree to see him!)

He has reliably informed me that they are already doing the sequel to the DaVinci code… “I know what you did last supper!”